You Try to Give Away a Keeper

Random thoughts:

1. I think it is weird that Lisa Loeb actually sings on the New Found Glory cover of Stay. I have always loved that song but for some reason I don't like their version. It just doesn't the same 'majik'- even with Miss Loeb's vocal additions.

For some reason, every time I listen to the original I regress mentally to back when I used to watch Reality Bites and dream of being older and cool like Ethan Hawke. To be in a cool band and have Winona Ryder be in love with me. It became somewhat of an obsession for me. I wanted life to feel like Reality Bites so much. I was in 4th grade. I had just moved to Iowa and still hadn't made any friends in Iowa City (not that I had any in Seattle) and I just wanted to be smarter and more clever than everyone else. Ethan Hawke and Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club were people I aspired to be. Even when I watch Reality Bites to this day I still feel that pang of "I wish my life felt like that- maybe it will... someday, when I'm older" - which, it occurred to me, is truly pathetic since I am now OLDER than any of the characters in the film. That just doesn't make any sense to me at all.

How is that possible?!?!

Ugh. It makes me sad. I'm changing the subject.

(back to the New Found Glory cover album, the Amelie song is a travesty. Ditto 'Don't You Forget About Me'. I don't mind 'The Promise' or 'Iris' though.)

2. If I win this Dashboard Confessional contest I've decided on a few things I will buy. Here they are...

A. A new pair of glasses.
B. One of those speakers that you plug your iPod into.
C. A mini button machine.
D: A nice pair of sunglasses.
E. A real haircut by someone else other than myself making fists of hair and cutting off whatever sticks through my fingers.

This post will serve as an annoying reminder of my counted chickens if I don't win. As will gazing through the scratched lenses of my old glasses.

3. I get paid on the 5th of October. It will be the first substantial pay check since like May, I'm happy to not be so incorrigibly broke this month. Goodbye peanut butter sandwiches and .99 cent bottles of generic grape soda. Eff you. I never loved you. it was all a lie!

The only lame thing is that until then I am totally broke. Like- TOTALLY broke. Like right now I don't have any money for gas and I am on E (for empty). Hopefully I will get through it without eating Nelson (JUST KIDDING! If we were starving, I'd let him eat me.)


4. It's hard to motivate myself to go to the gym lately because part of me has resigned myself to the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. Yes I go for me as much as anyone else but lately I've just felt so alone that it seems like if no one even looks at you longer than 10 seconds, why bother being anything less than a slovenly freak? It takes all the effort I have these days just to comb my hair or brush my teeth. As far as girls go, I've decided that I am way too picky and have such a specific type that I like and those girls just aren't real. They only exist on film or fantasy.

Amelie. Felicity. These women do not actually exist. They are fictitious. And- just in case you thought I'd forgotten, both were created by MEN. So yeah. I guess I'm gay. Deal with it family! I have! I'm just a big ol' gay guy!

5. I want to use the word 'advantageous' more in my speech. It is a silly goal I know, but I like to throw random words into my vocabulary til they are just naturally there. The only problem is that then I use them too much. It becomes a problem. It's like because I made such an effort to include them in my speech, they become the first word in my mental database of words and can feel forced.
"Hey man, you wanna get some thai food and catch a movie? I think it'd be advantageous of us."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why would it be advantageous of us?"
"Uh... because. It would be to our advantage to eat good food and see a movie."
"No it wouldn't. What 'advantage' would we have?"
"We would have the ADVANTAGE over hunger and boredom. Those bastards have been on my ass for the last 25 years and it's time they PAID!"
"Uhh... okay. Whatever man."

Sleep well.

-joe